Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurrrrr......

Cranial Screwtop......... get that cat outta here!

Topless Coffee Shop, BRILLIANT!

That morning cup just became a little more enjoyable in the tiny hamlet of Vassalboro, Maine. The Grandview Coffee Shop has gone topless and business is through the roof! The enterprising owner reports that he interviewed 150 applicants (women & men) for the 10 positions available. One customer was so pleased, he left his waitress a $97 tip on a $3 cup of joe. Now that's bucking the economic trend. Ben Bernanke, are you listening???

A few clips from movies I like. First, a "Tweaker Caper" from The Salton Sea. Adult language.

Stealing Bob Hope's sh*t...

Spun - Cooking Show

Hilarious

I'm rooting for Mickey Rourke

He's my kind of guy. Talented, legitimate and irreverent. From recent interviews, it appears he was more dedicated to his craft than his past behavior would indicate. He had a low tolerance for bullshit and he paid a high price for his attitude. I have been a fan since The Pope of Greenwich Village (1984). That movie made me go back and watch his bit in Body Heat (1981), Diner (1982) and the juicy role as "Motorcycle Boy" Coppola gave him in Rumblefish (1983). He pretty much held your eye whatever the part. Then, despite a bashing from critics, I thought he was great in Year of the Dragon (1985), an overlooked Cimino piece. He had two great characters to portray in 1987 when he starred as the tortured lead in Angel Heart (with De Niro as the devilish Louis Cyphre) and the title role in Charles Bukowski's unofficial biop Barfly, a great flick if you like dark stuff. He was at the top, with access to the best roles and matinee idol looks to back up his acting chops. The top directors were using him regularly when 9 1/2 Weeks came along. It's a quirky film, I liked it but didn't love it. It was directed by Adrian Lyne who reportedly did what he could to bury Rourke for his behavior and disposition on the set. With Rourke doing little to dispel those notions, a few other indiscretions nudged him into a different light to those that determined his choices.
Then, the wheels came off. Professionally and personally. Those deciding who gets what chose to teach him who really was the boss. He responded with full blown self destruct, boozing and beyond while changing his focus to an ill-advised career in boxing. The result is obvious. Through the worst of times he still made you look in small roles thrown his way by various friends. The best of these IMO is his take on a meth chef known as "The Cook" in the small indy film Spun (2003). Great performance.

So, now with The Wrestler, Mickey Rourke returns to the "A" list after an extended visit to the other side. Here's hoping that he clears the last hurdle to the mainstream.

Public Service Announcement

As a responsible "celebrity journalist" I feel it is incumbent upon me to use my voice for the communal good. This short video demonstrates the importance of bicycle safety. A helmet is a good start, but affords no impact protection to the vital organs. Or, for that matter, non-vital organs. Take a minute to watch this piece. You'll be better off for it.

You too, could be "The King of Pop"

Here's an opportunity that doesn't come along everyday. Mike Jackson is apparently having a "going out of business" sale and many of his most revered possessions are available to the general population via auction. What a chance for us regular stiffs to get our greedy mitts on some World Class really weird shit!

The original glove, the space jacket, even the ranch must go! There's some small chance that Elizabeth Taylor may be added as a supplement if she continues to deteriorate at the current rate.

I have chosen to direct all of my efforts toward the weirdest of these many, many weird possessions, the scissor hands used in the Tim Burton classic movieEdward Scissorhands. How cool is that! I'll be the envy of all my peers! See you at the auction....Wooo-hooo-hooo!

This is Reality!

The Squirrel confesses a passion for the reality TV. I used to consider myself above what I considered a bottom-feeding excuse for entertainment, but, as it turns out, I was wrong. I am not above it. At the top of the list has to be VH1's production of Sober House (Thursday at 10PM). They have assembled a group of D list celebrities (using the term loosely) that are battling addiction. The participants range from Steven Adler, the drug addled former Guns N' Roses drummer, to actress Amber Smith, a statuesque former supermodel who went from acting to whoring to support her vices to Rodney "Can't we all just get along" King, famous for getting beat up by the cops during the LA riots of 1991.

The group has recently been relocated from a rehab facility run by Dr. Drew Pinsky to sober living as a group of struggling addicts trying to stay on the straight and narrow in Hollywood. That's a tough bit. My favorite character was Seth "Shifty" Binzer, tattooed front man for the obscure rock band Crazy Town. Shifty is a compelling character with a long history of abuse and failed rehabilitation who really has a pretty good grasp of his plight. He just can't hold the demons at bay. Shifty, however, takes a back seat now that renowned drug & alcohol abuser Andy Dick has joined the cast. I don't know what they are paying him but it can't be enough. After 20 years of unbridled partying and 10 stints in rehab, Andy has taken up the mantle as "the responsible one" for the show. He, as it turns out, is a sweet guy. He is also a cryer. It's great....every time someone goes astray, which is every week, Andy sobs uncontrollably while they follow the subject into the abyss via the cameras taping the show, internet feeds or whatever means are available. Priceless! So, if you find yourself with an unaccounted for hour (it repeats constantly) have a peek at reality, celebrity rehab style.

A Roid is sorry...

...he got caught taking steroids. Go figger. In the Squirrel's tiny mind it is more offensive to trot out the contrition (like this guy hasn't been able to live with himself for the deed) than doin' a few 'roids to keep up with everyone else. It sure looks like steroid use was standard practice for a few years and just about all the ballplayers were guilty of enhancing their natural physique. I really don't have a problem with it. Those years were fun, all the hitters looked like giants and the ball was being launched like a missile. Fun! Then, the US government stumbled onto the practice and, oh shit! Really?!? So, A Rod, who is kind of the poster boy for douchebags in sports, took that $252 million contract right at the zenith of his steroid induced success and now he feels bad.

Lemme tell ya somethin'! Wanna make amends? Do some good with that ridiculous stack of cash. Help some people that really need help, there is plenty of that goin' around. Check out his past performance on this topic.
Alex Rodriguez' Real Estate, Charitable Donations Examined

Or, you could just keep being the same douchebag everyone likes to piss on. Wear a raincoat.
On a happier note, the new SI swimsuit issue is out! Yay!

I kissed a girl.......

....and I liked it! The Grammys are finally here! The Squirrel will be glued to the tube all evening, what with hours of pre-show red carpet posing & preening and at least three, that's right, three hours of the awards broadcast. Right at the very top of our list is that sassy little Katy Perry, up for Female Vocalist for the androgynous hit "I Kissed A Girl", which she apparently wrote with Scarlett Johansson in mind. Snap!

Also rooting for Coldplay, I like their new album and they're up for several categories.

Hey, remember these guys from the TV comedy In Living Color some years ago? I always respected their opinion. "Hated It!"Enjoy!

Lest we forget

Well, it's the weekend with little to do and a slow news day. Not much to sink my squirrel teeth in to, horse racing-wise. The Animal Planet show about jockeys was OK, I guess. They always seem to miss the mark somehow on racing. The pace of the show was slow and it smacked of phoneyness (is that a word?) .

So, let's take a time trip back to February 8, 2007. Do you remember the significance of that date? The day the nonsense died. Anna Nicole Smith expired at the Seminole Hard Rock hotel in Florida on this date two years ago. How vividly (or is that vapidly) I remember being glued to the TV. It seemed surreal. The reports were sketchy, first she was just unconscious (maybe just slightly less responsive than usual) then, full blown panic. Dead! The drama went on for weeks as they sorted out the details and her fake husbands fought over the new baby girl and the inherited fortune that went with her. The Squirrel had the good fortune to be in south Florida at the time and we didn't miss a single detail of the whole charade. So, in the absence of anything newsworthy today, we celebrate the entirely staged existence of Ms Vicky Lynn Marshall (aka ANS) from her humble beginnings to her remarkably overexposed end. Here's a little something to help you find the zone.

She eats when he cheats

The Squirrel has uncovered some new developments pertinent to this ongoing saga. MLive.com is reporting on the wheels coming off this hot mess at a Michigan performance:
"My voice is weak tonight," she said, tearfully, "and I feel so vulnerable onstage." Problems plagued the performance, as Simpson had issues with her ear piece, her voice, and just holding it together emotionally. "Sorry," she mouthed to the crowd, as she lost her place in a song (a family tradition). At one point during the show, the 28-year-old had her band restart a song after several bars; at another, Simpson admitted she wished she could "walk off the stage," but gamely persevered until the end, giving props to her band. "They had my back the whole time," she said. It appeared that the singer left the stage in tears after her final song, professing her love for the encouraging crowd.
There is no confirmation on the rumor that she ate her sister Ashley's baby. Rest easy, I'm on it........


*********************************************************

The Cowboy Squirrel (TCS) enjoys the celebrity gossip as much as anybody and relishes the tabloids (though they were way more fun when Britney was whacked).
So, in the latest issue of US Weekly the lead is that poor Jessica Simpson reacting to another heartbreak. TCS has closely followed Jess through the ups and downs (literally & figuratively) and it appears her Q'back has strayed. She seems to have responded by eating all of the chili at her most recent Florida performance and it has gone right to her hips. It can never be a good thing when your belt is also your bra. Lose those high waisted pants, honey. Poor Jess!

Bellagio Bash

The Racing Congress conferences began yesterday at the magnificent Bellagio in Vegas. Mike Tanner made his first appearance as the USTA's new "Head Honcho" and we wish him well. He seems bright, forward thinking and motivated and he makes a good impression in conversation.
Your humble servant did not attend, but will play along at home. It has been my observation, on those occasions I have attended such meetings, that too many topics are addressed in too short a time to resolve anything. Clearly, the business is in a delicate state and there are a number of issues that need to be not only discussed but followed through to a resolution. These important topics are reduced to a 45 minute panel discussion and then it's on to the next item. Even if you have the right people in the room, you can do no more than scratch the surface in the allotted time. Then focus is directed to the next issue and one of two things happen. Either you continue to think about what has just transpired and your attention is diverted from the new topic or you focus on the new panel and you take on the previous is diluted. It seems a shame that a more effective format cannot be devised for these important issues.

One that hits close to home for the Squirrel is Jeff Gural's initiative to keep horses racing past age 3. I am of the opinion that the subject is worthy of implementation. The fan response to SBSW's multiple appearances in Canada should dispel any notion that the personalities don't make a difference.

I think I understand the pros & cons to a large extent and the opposition raises some valid points. At the end of the day, the preservation of a quality product trumps the fortunes of the few, IMO. What do think?

A weeklong "Beach" party

The awards season for harness racing is here and the connections of the best horse I've ever seen are in for a busy time. The principals of Schooner Stables (don't they look nice) have had one helluva year and the fun continues this week in Las Vegas. The Dan Patch awards take place Wednesday night at the Bellagio and another armful of hardware is in store to honor Somebeachsomewhere for his magical 2009 campaign.

Their horse accomplished pretty much everything one could hope for, his only loss coming in the fierce duel with Art Official in the Meadowlands Pace. Records were set, good horses were dominated and the lottery ticket was finally cashed in a year's end at Hanover Shoe Farms where the "Beach" will serve the cream of the crop broodmares in his next career at stud. He will be missed.

Brent McGrath did a flawless job of managing and conditioning the colt, having him in top form from start to finish and deserves more credit than he gets. I guess the horse distracted everyone.

This group seems to know how to enjoy a good time and the Bellagio is the perfect place to enjoy the glamorous life. I'm wondering, since the O'Brien awards were just on Sunday, would you just leave the formal wear on for the trip and continue throughout the stay in Vegas dressed for success? Pretty tempting, eh? Well done!

I may have made a huge mistake.....

I don't know why we (I) take delight in the misfortune of others, but that appears to be the way that it is. Particularly when the privileged do something particularly stoopid. Like this guy. It's not the weed, right? It's the fact that he's some kind of hero because he can swim really fast and he let somebody take his picture smoking the weed. Wait, I think I like him better now then I did watching those Rosetta Stone commercials on TV, right? I'm going to take a nap now, weed makes me sleepy. Maybe I'll have a sandwich first......

The Agony of Defeat

Man that was fun 'til right there at the end. Arizona had accomplished the improbable, overcoming a myriad of mistakes and penalties (some pretty questionable) to stand at the precipice and see the promised land. And then, defeat was snatched from the fickle hands of victory. Can't bitch, the Steelers rose up and took it away. I am forced to give props to "Big Ben". He got it done like a hero. So many swings, it looked like it might just be a track meet early with the Cardinals suspect defense unable to even slow the Steelers offense. Then that remarkable turn about at the end of the half, when it looked as though the Cards had weathered the storm and were going in with a four point lead. Ooooooh, that hurt. All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable four hours. I do confess I'd rather have seen Warner accepting the post game accolades, not to be. Oh well.

It's Super Bowl Day!

Not really a fan, but I do enjoy the playoffs and it's Douchebag's birthday, so we'll head to Smokey Bones and follow along while dining on some delicious BBQ. I grew up in Pittsburgh and am old enough to have enjoyed the Steel Curtain teams of the '70's. When you live in "Blitz"burgh you endure the "fan"aticism that prevails in the area. Man, do they love their precious Steelers! Mondays after a loss, those are some dark days around there. Such passion! That's reason enough for me to root for the Arizona Cardinals today. It's so much more fun to take "the other side", don't you think? How about Kurt Warner? How can you not root for that guy. I hope he has a great day and cements himself into the HOF. Ben Roethlisberger has captured the imagination of the P'burgh blue collars despite being pretty much a turnstile for the running game and a huge ball-dropper. I can't use the guy.
So, at the end of the day, Cards 31-Steelers 17.
PS: Where's Matt Leinart victory party???