I got bad news...

...squirrel fans.

nuff said.

Jug Fantasy continued...

2009 LBJ Winner????

OK, so I screwed the pooch bailing on Steve Elliott as one of my trainers before the Simcoe, costing myself two notches in the standings by falling from 6th to 8th without the 50 points I would have received. I was also less than thrilled when my brainstorm choice of Vertical Horizon came second after Jody Jamieson insisted on the lead with an inferior horse. That forced Campbell to tuck back in when JJ repelled his backstretch move...then deuce pop on the last turn, only to have JJ let the winner up the rail. I call bullshit. So, after all that, I am 134 points off the lead with the Jug to come...should be in 5th place, 59 points behind. I'm bitter...it looks grim.

Here is my plan for the Jug:

I think Vintage Master is the best horse. I have him, Takter & Dube. So does everybody else, I assume. He drew the four in the same heat as Well Said, who drew post eight. I am taking a stand against Well Said, leaving him out of my five allowed picks, as the only chance I see to win is to hope for some unlikely results.

My other trainer, Tracy Brainard, has two entered. If I Can Dream from post ten in the first division, away from VM & WS. She has named Tetrick, who I dropped in the last draft for Dube. Shoulda kept TT and dropped Pierce and just been done with Well Said, but, you know how it is. So, I'll activate IICD, Mr Wiggles, who looks tired but should relish the half, and Keep It Real, fresh horse, for the first division. I will not activate River Shark, though I'd kind of like to have him, and just hope his draw in the 10 horse field keeps him out of the hunt. He was also scratched from an overnight on Saturday, raising more questions and Sabatelli is listed as trainer when I had hoped he'd go back to the Brainard/Marks barn for the Jug.

For the second division I have Vintage Master activated. My other options are Chasin Racin (just OK in an overnight at Chester on Friday), Vertical Horizon, who I took for the above mentioned Simcoe but moves to Brainard/Marks for this one, and Well Said. I'm in a lose/lose here because Vertical Horizon can't make me a hero with VM in the race and me having Takter & Dube. Still, I have to take him, hoping he can pull the upset as not everyone has him, I'm sure.

In review, here's what I need to happen to have a chance at the big prize:

First Division: If I Can Dream to win from post 10, earning me 50 horse and 50 trainer points. Keep It Real and Mr Wiggles to run second and third in any order. Total gain= 137 points

Second Division: Vintage Master to win, 50 horse, 50 driver and 50 trainer points, Vertical Horizon second for a total of 175 points. Well Said eliminated.

Second Heat: Here I need some things to happen. Ideally, Brainard will replace Jimmy Morrill, who inexplicably chooses Doubleshotascotch in this heat, with Pierce on Vertical Horizon. He wins, gaining me the 150 point maximum and requiring a race-off. Vintage Master, Keep It Real, If I Can Dream and Mr Wiggles complete the top five finishers, and I get another 50 points from that.

In the Race-off, why can't Vertical Horizon win? I don't even care who drives, cause for the race winner I will get 250 points and the trainer / driver points are eliminated. It seems reasonable to me! You got a problem with that?

A Fine Mess...

The whipping DQ of Angostura at Mohawk suffers the misfortune of occurring under the worst possible circumstance. There is a tremendous response to the article at the bottom of the page linked above.

Trevor Ritchie is far, very far, down the list of guys who might be suspected of abusing a horse in any fashion, particularly whipping. Trevor is a very bright horseman, highly respected and rightfully so. He is very kind to the horses and has had remarkable success with his conservative style. It is truly a shame that the onus has fallen on him under these circumstances and the connections of the filly stand to endure an extreme penalty.


Cutting to the chase, this case is going to compromise the future of the rule eliminating one handed whipping, no doubt about it. I don't claim to have an answer, it is a difficult proposition and there is plenty of passion on both sides. But... I am always puzzled by the drivers contention, as was cited by Trevor in his statement, that the inability to whip one-handed compromises their safety. I raced horses for 20 years and I'm not saying that their contention is being used as an excuse, I just can't imagine how that happens. Feel free to share your opinion on the topic.

Sunday review

Mohawk had the highlights last night. Two splits of the Simcoe for 3CP, the first was of no consequence, the second saw Well Said measure off a game Carnivore in his final prep for the Jug. I thought it a purposeful start, confirmed by the positive (I think) post race interview with the enigmatic RP. Two divisions for the Simcoe 2CP featuring Sportswriter in a blue collar win (why would they bring him right back after the WR Metro to make 5 starts in as many weeks?).

Muscle Hill (he sure takes a nice picture) put on another exhibition, never taking a deep breath in his CTC elim. He hasn't shown any weakness as yet. Although I question the decision to take him all the way to Mohawk to make 4 starts in as many weeks then facing heats in the Futurity after a week off, it's impossible to fault the management thus far. In the other elim Southern Rocketop impressed by trotting away from Explosive Matter. That one has looked better each week from the Am Nat through the WTD with this race the best I've seen him. Judge Joe had some trot, he's sped up a bit since the sale. Explosive Matter had to be compromised by the lack of a race, should be more fit for the final. Maybe somebody can make a race of it next week, but I won't count on it happening.

The Artiscape for older mares at Tioga was a good race with Tug River Princess closing to win a tight one. They all look tired in that group, but their season is pretty much over, just the Allerage at The Red Mile and Am Nat left.

Indiana Downs showcased the $1.4 million ISS finals. New pickup trucks for some of the corn belt boys! Looking through the program, I was struck by the diversity of Indiana sires. A whole bunch of horses I've never heard of, particularly the trotters. Good for them.

Jug Fantasy Contest...sigh

So...I'm currently in 6th place of 500+ after 14 events with just tonight's Simcoe and the Jug itself to go. The rules allow a stable of 10 horses (only 5 of which may be activated for each race), two drivers and two trainers (always active). They also permit replacement of 2 horses, 1 trainer and 1 driver twice along the way. The second replacement period just ended, so the selections I now have must take me through the Jug.

I'm pretty happy with the horses in my barn. The logical choices, Well Said, Vintage Master, If I Can Dream, Mr Wiggles, Keep It Real, Dial Or No Dial, Chasin Racin and Johnny Z are held over. I replaced Art Colony (shut down) and Vertigo Hanover (disappointment) with Vertical Horizon (not really a Jug contender IMO but is 6/5 in the Simcoe tonight which would net 50 points and I can only use 5 for the Jug anyway) and River Shark (a flyer based on his Confederation Cup showing, hoping for a good post in a cheap division). Minor angst over those additions, but pretty OK.

The trouble for me was replacing a trainer and a driver. I started the contest with Pierce and Tetrick as my drivers. Pierce for Well Said, which has paid off handsomely. Tetrick on spec, as he had Dial Or No Dial at the start, Teague uses him a lot and I just thought he'd pick up a live steer. Didn't happen.

My trainers at the start were Steve Elliott (Well Said) and George Teague, who had like a hundred eligibles. Teague did me some good, but as I looked over which horses were eligible to which races after the first replacement, I decided to swap him out for Tracy Brainard. That went well, as If I Can Dream won two contest races for her while George didn't win another contest race.

So...now as I pour over the possibilities, it is announced that Well Said may skip the Jug. Oh no! I don't know how to take this. I think he will race, but I also think Vintage Master, off his Cane win, may be the best horse for the Jug and I don't have either his trainer (Takter) or driver (Dube). So much there will depend on who draws in which division and, of course, the post draw.

After much consternation, I keep Pierce and pitch Tetrick for Dube. I think Dube might catch another live horse (River Shark maybe) for the Jug while Pierce is tied to Well Said and has really no other live options. OK.

Selecting the right trainers is far more difficult for me. I finally decide to keep Tracy Brainard, thinking that If I Can Dream is a good small track horse but does need a good draw...and...she was the trainer of record for River Shark at Flamboro, that might happen again...and...she might have a bunch in the Jug with all the Brooks horses from which to choose...and...she's got two, albeit outsiders, in the Simcoe. OK.

Now what do I do with Steve? He's got just the one, but that one is Well Said. I've scored a lot of points with Steve along the contest and the horse is a complete lay down in the Simcoe tonight, 50 points for the taking. But what if they don't come for the Jug? On the other hand, Takter has committed with VM and I really like the horse. He was vicious in the Cane and showed speed, a new wrinkle. I replaced Elliott with Takter, then immediately had second thoughts but once you make that click, you can't change, you're locked in.

So...we will see...I'll keep you posted...sigh.

She's a he!

South African running sensation Caster Semenya has been determined to be a hermaphrodite. The 18 year old has been running roughshod over her competition in women's track events, resulting in accusations that she is in truth a male. Turns out, she's both. Those of us familiar with Martha Maxine can relate to the circumstance. Weird, huh?

To choke or not to choke?

The tabloids are abuzz with TV reality tramp Tila Tequila's accusation that her BF Shawne "Lights Out" (gotta love it) Merriman gave her the business the other night when she tried to leave their love nest. "Lights Out", on the other hand, claims he was doing his civic duty by trying to prevent the demure Ms Tequila from embarrassing herself with a display of public drunkenness. Ms Tequila (can those be real?) responded by placing "Lights Out" under citizen's arrest for a laundry list of violations, including false imprisonment. Whatever happened to "Love, Honor and Obey"? I'm gonna call it a wash.

Atta Boy David!

The Squirrel is pleased to learn of Dave Palone's induction into the Harness Racing Hall Of Fame. His remarkable accomplishments, well documented in other mediums, clearly qualify him for this recognition. Left undocumented is the lengthy list of personal efforts he assumes by his place at The Meadows, which he has always handled with aplomb. Well spoken, clever and witty, Dave is someone I'm always happy to see. This is the highest honor one may achieve in our sport. I'm proud of him.

...and we're back!

Hello varmint followers! Back to blogging after summer hiatus.

Let us begin with a short review:

It has been a good summer for those of us who enjoy harness racing (a small, yet select group) with Muscle Hill, Well Said, Lucky Jim and a host of others providing many thrills. I was fortunate enough to be at The Big M, as it were, for the Hambletonian day card and it was fabulous!!! The emphasis has now shifted to Canada and the 2YO stars are appearing to enhance the experience. I am personally quite anxious to get to Lexington for the two weeks of Grand Circuit racing at The Red Mile, where the suspects will be separated from the prospects.
Stay tuned between now and then for clever reviews and witty observations...it has been too long.

Down Goes the Curtain...

...on the Magna/Stronach empire, or at least, so it seems. It's hard to feel bad for the guy, he determined his fate with his actions. It's easier to have compassion for the people affected by his misdeeds at the various tracks that he accumulated. I knew a few that had worked at The Meadows for years that were unceremoniously dumped to curb costs. His heavy handed ways are well documented and his "vision", murky in the best of times, is now darkness. As czar of his empire, he hand picked the people that helped sink the Magna ship and paid himself many, many millions in the process.
Left in the lurch are the Magna tracks, which include the two biggest meets currently in progress, Santa Anita & Gulfstream. Also at risk are the subscribers to Xpress Bet who are justifiably concerned as to what will be done with deposits in the ADW service. Nicely done...

Happy Boy Song

Hubba-Hubba-Hubba-Hubba-Hubba!!

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurrrrr......

Cranial Screwtop......... get that cat outta here!

Topless Coffee Shop, BRILLIANT!

That morning cup just became a little more enjoyable in the tiny hamlet of Vassalboro, Maine. The Grandview Coffee Shop has gone topless and business is through the roof! The enterprising owner reports that he interviewed 150 applicants (women & men) for the 10 positions available. One customer was so pleased, he left his waitress a $97 tip on a $3 cup of joe. Now that's bucking the economic trend. Ben Bernanke, are you listening???

A few clips from movies I like. First, a "Tweaker Caper" from The Salton Sea. Adult language.

Stealing Bob Hope's sh*t...

Spun - Cooking Show

Hilarious

I'm rooting for Mickey Rourke

He's my kind of guy. Talented, legitimate and irreverent. From recent interviews, it appears he was more dedicated to his craft than his past behavior would indicate. He had a low tolerance for bullshit and he paid a high price for his attitude. I have been a fan since The Pope of Greenwich Village (1984). That movie made me go back and watch his bit in Body Heat (1981), Diner (1982) and the juicy role as "Motorcycle Boy" Coppola gave him in Rumblefish (1983). He pretty much held your eye whatever the part. Then, despite a bashing from critics, I thought he was great in Year of the Dragon (1985), an overlooked Cimino piece. He had two great characters to portray in 1987 when he starred as the tortured lead in Angel Heart (with De Niro as the devilish Louis Cyphre) and the title role in Charles Bukowski's unofficial biop Barfly, a great flick if you like dark stuff. He was at the top, with access to the best roles and matinee idol looks to back up his acting chops. The top directors were using him regularly when 9 1/2 Weeks came along. It's a quirky film, I liked it but didn't love it. It was directed by Adrian Lyne who reportedly did what he could to bury Rourke for his behavior and disposition on the set. With Rourke doing little to dispel those notions, a few other indiscretions nudged him into a different light to those that determined his choices.
Then, the wheels came off. Professionally and personally. Those deciding who gets what chose to teach him who really was the boss. He responded with full blown self destruct, boozing and beyond while changing his focus to an ill-advised career in boxing. The result is obvious. Through the worst of times he still made you look in small roles thrown his way by various friends. The best of these IMO is his take on a meth chef known as "The Cook" in the small indy film Spun (2003). Great performance.

So, now with The Wrestler, Mickey Rourke returns to the "A" list after an extended visit to the other side. Here's hoping that he clears the last hurdle to the mainstream.

Public Service Announcement

As a responsible "celebrity journalist" I feel it is incumbent upon me to use my voice for the communal good. This short video demonstrates the importance of bicycle safety. A helmet is a good start, but affords no impact protection to the vital organs. Or, for that matter, non-vital organs. Take a minute to watch this piece. You'll be better off for it.

You too, could be "The King of Pop"

Here's an opportunity that doesn't come along everyday. Mike Jackson is apparently having a "going out of business" sale and many of his most revered possessions are available to the general population via auction. What a chance for us regular stiffs to get our greedy mitts on some World Class really weird shit!

The original glove, the space jacket, even the ranch must go! There's some small chance that Elizabeth Taylor may be added as a supplement if she continues to deteriorate at the current rate.

I have chosen to direct all of my efforts toward the weirdest of these many, many weird possessions, the scissor hands used in the Tim Burton classic movieEdward Scissorhands. How cool is that! I'll be the envy of all my peers! See you at the auction....Wooo-hooo-hooo!

This is Reality!

The Squirrel confesses a passion for the reality TV. I used to consider myself above what I considered a bottom-feeding excuse for entertainment, but, as it turns out, I was wrong. I am not above it. At the top of the list has to be VH1's production of Sober House (Thursday at 10PM). They have assembled a group of D list celebrities (using the term loosely) that are battling addiction. The participants range from Steven Adler, the drug addled former Guns N' Roses drummer, to actress Amber Smith, a statuesque former supermodel who went from acting to whoring to support her vices to Rodney "Can't we all just get along" King, famous for getting beat up by the cops during the LA riots of 1991.

The group has recently been relocated from a rehab facility run by Dr. Drew Pinsky to sober living as a group of struggling addicts trying to stay on the straight and narrow in Hollywood. That's a tough bit. My favorite character was Seth "Shifty" Binzer, tattooed front man for the obscure rock band Crazy Town. Shifty is a compelling character with a long history of abuse and failed rehabilitation who really has a pretty good grasp of his plight. He just can't hold the demons at bay. Shifty, however, takes a back seat now that renowned drug & alcohol abuser Andy Dick has joined the cast. I don't know what they are paying him but it can't be enough. After 20 years of unbridled partying and 10 stints in rehab, Andy has taken up the mantle as "the responsible one" for the show. He, as it turns out, is a sweet guy. He is also a cryer. It's great....every time someone goes astray, which is every week, Andy sobs uncontrollably while they follow the subject into the abyss via the cameras taping the show, internet feeds or whatever means are available. Priceless! So, if you find yourself with an unaccounted for hour (it repeats constantly) have a peek at reality, celebrity rehab style.

A Roid is sorry...

...he got caught taking steroids. Go figger. In the Squirrel's tiny mind it is more offensive to trot out the contrition (like this guy hasn't been able to live with himself for the deed) than doin' a few 'roids to keep up with everyone else. It sure looks like steroid use was standard practice for a few years and just about all the ballplayers were guilty of enhancing their natural physique. I really don't have a problem with it. Those years were fun, all the hitters looked like giants and the ball was being launched like a missile. Fun! Then, the US government stumbled onto the practice and, oh shit! Really?!? So, A Rod, who is kind of the poster boy for douchebags in sports, took that $252 million contract right at the zenith of his steroid induced success and now he feels bad.

Lemme tell ya somethin'! Wanna make amends? Do some good with that ridiculous stack of cash. Help some people that really need help, there is plenty of that goin' around. Check out his past performance on this topic.
Alex Rodriguez' Real Estate, Charitable Donations Examined

Or, you could just keep being the same douchebag everyone likes to piss on. Wear a raincoat.
On a happier note, the new SI swimsuit issue is out! Yay!

I kissed a girl.......

....and I liked it! The Grammys are finally here! The Squirrel will be glued to the tube all evening, what with hours of pre-show red carpet posing & preening and at least three, that's right, three hours of the awards broadcast. Right at the very top of our list is that sassy little Katy Perry, up for Female Vocalist for the androgynous hit "I Kissed A Girl", which she apparently wrote with Scarlett Johansson in mind. Snap!

Also rooting for Coldplay, I like their new album and they're up for several categories.

Hey, remember these guys from the TV comedy In Living Color some years ago? I always respected their opinion. "Hated It!"Enjoy!

Lest we forget

Well, it's the weekend with little to do and a slow news day. Not much to sink my squirrel teeth in to, horse racing-wise. The Animal Planet show about jockeys was OK, I guess. They always seem to miss the mark somehow on racing. The pace of the show was slow and it smacked of phoneyness (is that a word?) .

So, let's take a time trip back to February 8, 2007. Do you remember the significance of that date? The day the nonsense died. Anna Nicole Smith expired at the Seminole Hard Rock hotel in Florida on this date two years ago. How vividly (or is that vapidly) I remember being glued to the TV. It seemed surreal. The reports were sketchy, first she was just unconscious (maybe just slightly less responsive than usual) then, full blown panic. Dead! The drama went on for weeks as they sorted out the details and her fake husbands fought over the new baby girl and the inherited fortune that went with her. The Squirrel had the good fortune to be in south Florida at the time and we didn't miss a single detail of the whole charade. So, in the absence of anything newsworthy today, we celebrate the entirely staged existence of Ms Vicky Lynn Marshall (aka ANS) from her humble beginnings to her remarkably overexposed end. Here's a little something to help you find the zone.

She eats when he cheats

The Squirrel has uncovered some new developments pertinent to this ongoing saga. MLive.com is reporting on the wheels coming off this hot mess at a Michigan performance:
"My voice is weak tonight," she said, tearfully, "and I feel so vulnerable onstage." Problems plagued the performance, as Simpson had issues with her ear piece, her voice, and just holding it together emotionally. "Sorry," she mouthed to the crowd, as she lost her place in a song (a family tradition). At one point during the show, the 28-year-old had her band restart a song after several bars; at another, Simpson admitted she wished she could "walk off the stage," but gamely persevered until the end, giving props to her band. "They had my back the whole time," she said. It appeared that the singer left the stage in tears after her final song, professing her love for the encouraging crowd.
There is no confirmation on the rumor that she ate her sister Ashley's baby. Rest easy, I'm on it........


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The Cowboy Squirrel (TCS) enjoys the celebrity gossip as much as anybody and relishes the tabloids (though they were way more fun when Britney was whacked).
So, in the latest issue of US Weekly the lead is that poor Jessica Simpson reacting to another heartbreak. TCS has closely followed Jess through the ups and downs (literally & figuratively) and it appears her Q'back has strayed. She seems to have responded by eating all of the chili at her most recent Florida performance and it has gone right to her hips. It can never be a good thing when your belt is also your bra. Lose those high waisted pants, honey. Poor Jess!

Bellagio Bash

The Racing Congress conferences began yesterday at the magnificent Bellagio in Vegas. Mike Tanner made his first appearance as the USTA's new "Head Honcho" and we wish him well. He seems bright, forward thinking and motivated and he makes a good impression in conversation.
Your humble servant did not attend, but will play along at home. It has been my observation, on those occasions I have attended such meetings, that too many topics are addressed in too short a time to resolve anything. Clearly, the business is in a delicate state and there are a number of issues that need to be not only discussed but followed through to a resolution. These important topics are reduced to a 45 minute panel discussion and then it's on to the next item. Even if you have the right people in the room, you can do no more than scratch the surface in the allotted time. Then focus is directed to the next issue and one of two things happen. Either you continue to think about what has just transpired and your attention is diverted from the new topic or you focus on the new panel and you take on the previous is diluted. It seems a shame that a more effective format cannot be devised for these important issues.

One that hits close to home for the Squirrel is Jeff Gural's initiative to keep horses racing past age 3. I am of the opinion that the subject is worthy of implementation. The fan response to SBSW's multiple appearances in Canada should dispel any notion that the personalities don't make a difference.

I think I understand the pros & cons to a large extent and the opposition raises some valid points. At the end of the day, the preservation of a quality product trumps the fortunes of the few, IMO. What do think?

A weeklong "Beach" party

The awards season for harness racing is here and the connections of the best horse I've ever seen are in for a busy time. The principals of Schooner Stables (don't they look nice) have had one helluva year and the fun continues this week in Las Vegas. The Dan Patch awards take place Wednesday night at the Bellagio and another armful of hardware is in store to honor Somebeachsomewhere for his magical 2009 campaign.

Their horse accomplished pretty much everything one could hope for, his only loss coming in the fierce duel with Art Official in the Meadowlands Pace. Records were set, good horses were dominated and the lottery ticket was finally cashed in a year's end at Hanover Shoe Farms where the "Beach" will serve the cream of the crop broodmares in his next career at stud. He will be missed.

Brent McGrath did a flawless job of managing and conditioning the colt, having him in top form from start to finish and deserves more credit than he gets. I guess the horse distracted everyone.

This group seems to know how to enjoy a good time and the Bellagio is the perfect place to enjoy the glamorous life. I'm wondering, since the O'Brien awards were just on Sunday, would you just leave the formal wear on for the trip and continue throughout the stay in Vegas dressed for success? Pretty tempting, eh? Well done!

I may have made a huge mistake.....

I don't know why we (I) take delight in the misfortune of others, but that appears to be the way that it is. Particularly when the privileged do something particularly stoopid. Like this guy. It's not the weed, right? It's the fact that he's some kind of hero because he can swim really fast and he let somebody take his picture smoking the weed. Wait, I think I like him better now then I did watching those Rosetta Stone commercials on TV, right? I'm going to take a nap now, weed makes me sleepy. Maybe I'll have a sandwich first......

The Agony of Defeat

Man that was fun 'til right there at the end. Arizona had accomplished the improbable, overcoming a myriad of mistakes and penalties (some pretty questionable) to stand at the precipice and see the promised land. And then, defeat was snatched from the fickle hands of victory. Can't bitch, the Steelers rose up and took it away. I am forced to give props to "Big Ben". He got it done like a hero. So many swings, it looked like it might just be a track meet early with the Cardinals suspect defense unable to even slow the Steelers offense. Then that remarkable turn about at the end of the half, when it looked as though the Cards had weathered the storm and were going in with a four point lead. Ooooooh, that hurt. All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable four hours. I do confess I'd rather have seen Warner accepting the post game accolades, not to be. Oh well.